Questions and Answers | The Heart of Worship
My husband serves in the military and was deployed overseas for two years. We are thanking God for his safe return. But since then, I've noticed changes in his moods. How can I help him?
I am the primary caregiver for my family member who has struggled with mental illness for many years. How can I show Christ's love when I am tired and need a break?
My husband serves in the military and was deployed overseas for two years. We are thanking God for his safe return. But since then, I've noticed changes in his moods. How can I help him?
First, I want to thank your husband for his service to our country. Second, I want you to know that these types of transitions can bring significant challenges to our emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual health.
When people return from military deployment, they often experience post-traumatic stress. This can occur after a traumatic event is over (i.e., war, combat, or natural disaster). It triggers a range of intense emotions, anger, anxiety, depression, insomnia, and even distressing nightmares.
In this life, we encounter many stressful situations. In John 16:33 Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” We cannot avoid difficulties, but we can have peace, knowing that God is with us and is our source of strength. Psalm 55:22 urges us to “cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you.”
In the Bible, we see examples of individuals who faced extreme stress. Noah navigated a worldwide flood in Genesis 9:19–27. Joshua endured endless battles. In Joshua 1:9, God said to him: “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” While we cannot avoid stressful experiences, we are promised that God will be with us.
It is not unusual to notice changes in your loved one after they return home. They may experience disruptions in their mood, sleep, relationships, and regular family life and responsibilities. This can be confusing to both family members and the military member returning home. Here are a few recommendations to help ease the transition:
- Keep communication open. Talk to your loved one about how they are feeling and let them know they are loved. “Encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thess. 5:11).
- Stay connected. Share your family’s needs with believers who can pray with you and support you. Accept help to walk through this stressful time (Acts 11:27–30). Spend time in God’s Word and prayer, knowing that God sees your need: “Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful” (Heb. 10:23).
- Find support. The military and even some local churches provide resources to help support families with transitions for returning military members (for example, Military OneSource).
- Seek counseling. A counselor can be a great help in navigating these issues and strengthening your family during this season.
I am the primary caregiver for my family member who has struggled with mental illness for many years. How can I show Christ's love when I am tired and need a break?
I want to encourage you for doing this important work. I also want you to know that you are not alone. It is easy to feel isolated in caregiving, but more than one in five Americans are in a similar situation. As many as 8.4 million Americans provide care to an adult with an emotional or mental health issue (Family Caregiver Alliance, 2022).
Here are a few suggestions. First, be sure to take time for yourself. As a caregiver, you may find it difficult to balance your time between their care and your own responsibilities. God designed us for work and for rest (see Heb. 4:9–11, Mark 6:31). When you don’t get a break, it will lead to stress, anxiety, and depression. You may experience anger, irritability, boredom, lack of appreciation, loneliness, and tiredness or fatigue.
Create a plan to engage in mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually nourishing activities. Scripture calls your body the “temple of the Holy Spirit” (1 Cor. 6:19). You need to make sure you are caring for yourself so you can care for others. It may be tempting to stop going to church or take walks, but that may be exactly what you need to stay healthy and whole.
Second, acknowledge your grief. Caregivers experience grief as they navigate changes in the relationship with their loved one due to the mental or physical health challenge. You may be grieving a loss of community or even grief with the shifting nature of your relationship with your loved one.
Next, find support through your local church and professional social services; people who can share your burden (Gal. 6:2). Many offer resources for caregivers. Professional counseling can also help with your own emotional well-being during this stressful season.
I am reminded of Psalm 42. Here we see David who was feeling forgotten yet continued to place his hope in God (v. 11). Know that God sees you and your situation. Keep looking to Him.
BY Dr. Valencia Wiggins, PhD, L.P.C.
Valencia Wiggins grew up in Ohio and graduated from Wheaton College. She earned a Masters in Clinical Psychology at Wheaton Graduate School, and PhD in Clinical Psychology at Walden University. She has taught at Moody Seminary for four years. In addition, Dr. Wiggins works in private practice as a clinical psychologist. Her clinical work includes sexual abuse, trauma, grief and loss, eating disorders, family issues, depression, adolescents, and women’s issues.