What does it mean to have a good family life? I grew up in what I would call an average Christian family. There was no abuse, but there was very little real communication.

I recently saw a definition of a good family that read: “All members are active and present, and the family is often together as a whole.” As Christians, we know that parents are to love and nurture their children, teach them God’s Word, and model Christian values, such as self-discipline and hard work, generosity and hospitality. I also think a good family is greatly enriched by wholesome pleasures, creative activity, and, as you mention in your question, authentic communication.

In our fallen world, there are problems even within Christian families. Sometimes parents bring injuries, small or large, into their marriages and homes. Even under the best circumstances, children have wills and some will go astray. Things are not, as one theologian wrote, the way they are supposed to be.

Recently I spent two afternoons with two different families where good conversation, energy, palpable love, and a sense of peace and joy filled the atmosphere. In both cases, grandparents, parents, children, and grandchildren were present. Coming away I felt a great deal of hope. Both families had good habits that I think contributed to these positive environments. First (and this is crucial), I only saw a phone used once and for a short time. This seemed to be a deliberate choice, enabling prolonged conversations in which everyone participated. They listened well and enjoyed each other (James 1:19).

Second, though I was the outsider, I was made to feel welcome. One occasion was a 75th birthday party for the grandfather. After the meal, everyone was invited to say something about him. The remarks, coming from even small grandchildren, were funny, endearing and specific in ways that showed respect and love (Eph. 4:29). Each time one of the adult daughters said something to her father, he answered with a specific, affectionate memory involving that daughter. The family members enjoyed each other undistractedly.

Neither family was without its troubles, and more will probably follow. But the foundation is solid, built on biblical principles, wise choices, love, daily gratitude, and presentness. The book of Proverbs gives a great deal of practical advice on how to communicate with one another in love. “The godly walk with integrity; blessed are their children who follow them” (Prov. 20:7).